Sweet Surrender…Raw Diet Day 10

I was sleepy again today.  I remembered all my restraint yesterday in not drinking the java.  Of keeping it clean.  Not setting myself up to want gum.  I even remembered how proud I was of myself when I made it all the way through the day, and how well I slept last night.  And my delicious sleepy balls!  I remembered they were waiting for me at home.  Even with all these thoughts, I was so sleepy, and it was only 10:30a.

So I did it.  And I did it big.  A girlfriend and I got into the car, and very intentionally drove to Starbucks.  I walked straight passed the apples and basket of banana’s, directly to the girl at the register, and said it: “A tall blonde roast, please”…”room for cream and sugar?”…”no, thanks.”  I wondered if she knew what I was sacrificing in that moment?  That I wasn’t just another customer, but that I was on a mission–now, a mission diverted.  I wish I could lie and say I drank it without any sweetener or cream.  But truth-be-told, I had a delicious cup of blonde roast coffee with a whole pack of…SPLENDA.  It happened.  Went against all my lessons in pretentious foodie behavior, let alone the rules of the Raw.  Do I even like Splenda, you may ask?  Nope.  I think it is, and tastes like poison.  So why did I do it?  I blame exhaustion.  I was so sleepy!!

But I thought about it, in my hours of jitteriness, nausea, hyper-activity and sweaty palms…I thought about it, and decided I wouldn’t feel bad about it.  Even as I chewed the stick of gum I stole from someone’s desk, I decided not to have any shame.  It’s Day 10, and I have done really well!  It hasn’t been easy, and really it’s been pretty tough.  I’ve fought some unbelievable battles, and even won a couple wars in the past week and half.  And I intend to enjoy these last few days without being burdened by the guilt of a cup of joe (although the Splenda is a little harder to get over!) or a stick of gum.  Surely, there’s worse things.  And I’m sure I’ll think of every single one of them as I lay awake in bed for the next 3 nights.

Tonight’s recipe: Forgiveness.

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One thought on “Sweet Surrender…Raw Diet Day 10

  1. amy says:

    After my delay in reading this (you know me) I’m really glad that you have decided NOT to beat yourself up. That would surely throw a negative light on your journey thus far. I’ ll admit, the s p l e n – d u h h does have even ME a tad baffled but we live, we learn!

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